martes, 17 de noviembre de 2009

De por qué no voy a salir nunca más. Parte I

Mi amiga recién dejada estaba triste. Hacía mas de dos meses que no salíamos a tomar nada a ningún lugar que no fuera el patio de mi casa. Frente a su tristeza, tomé coraje, respiré profundo, y le dije: "Hoy salimos, y la rompemos".

12:20. Empezamos a emperifollarnos.

12:30. Ya estamos listas. Pertenecemos al selecto grupo de mujeres que tarda muy poco en arreglarse. Mi amiga dice "Mariana, parezco un gato asi maquillada". "Mejor, hoy salimos a matar". Sí, dije "matar" y además lo acompañé con el puño cerrado, en alto.

12: 35. Avenida del Libertador. Esperamos un taxi. Pasan autos con jóvenes apretujados dentro. No nos dicen nada.

12:50. Taxi 504 con olor a funda de tapizado sucia y transpirada.

01:10. Intentamos ingresar al establecimiento nocturno por la salida de emergencia. El patovica se burla de nosotras.

01:15. El lugar apesta. Soy la encargada de comprar bebidas. Me acerco a la barra. Gente amontonada, como ganado. Unos arriba de otros, se empujan, se cuelan, se gritan. La música, aturde. Algunas chicas no entienden que una vez que compraste, tenés que retirarte. "Circulandoooo" le digo a una que está acodada en la barra con cara de gato en celo. Se enoja.

01:30. Sigo haciendo la cola para comprar dos cervezas. Miro a mi amiga, que está cómodamente sentada atrás de toda la gente. "Tendrían que poner numeritos, como en la verdulería", grita. La gente la mira.

01:45. Después de media hora, salgo de la barra con mis dos cervezas. Buscamos un lugar donde instalarnos. Mi amiga dice "Ahí, mirá, en esa terraza no hay nadie", y enfila como loca, sin reparar en que hay una soguita que no permite el ingreso, y un patovica gigante que opera como puera blindada. Se traga la soguita, pero no llega a caerse. El patovica la mira. Mi amiga se retira. "Te dije que había un señor" le digo yo. Mi amiga me mira, mi chiste no le causa nada de gracia.

02:00. "Esto parece meo", le grito a mi amiga, porque con el nivel sobrehumano de la música ni siquiera se puede hablar. "Un asco". "Una mierda". "Todos viejos". "Y las minas en bolas". "Y esta calefacción me está dejando sin oxígeno". "Ese tipo es igual a mi tío". "Vinimos al lugar donde viene tu tío, qué joviales". "¿En tu casa hay algo para tomar?. "Tengo gin, pero no hay limón, y tengo una tónica que abrí hace un mes, no debe tener gas". "Vamos, no importa, ya, por favor".

02:10. Estamos en el taxi. El taxista insiste con que mi calle es la primera después de las vías. "No". "Sí". "No". "Sí". Todo el camino. "No". "Sí". "No". "Sí".

02:30. "¿Vio? Yo tenía razón". "Más o menos, eh". Me bajo y le convierto la puerta en una giratoria.

04:00. Completamente ebrias, cantamos en el patio de mi casa "Cálido y frío" de Franco de Vita. "Yo te agradezco que hayas querido sacarme para que me alegrara, pero dejá, la próxima me corto las venas con una galletita de agua, no te molestes".

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